After much eating and drinking and eating and drinking in Europe and here and everywhere this summer, I figured it was time to behave. But I am the absolute WORST at dieting. Here’s the thing:
I. Need. Carbs. Like, NEED. Forget this brown rice bullshit and meat-only diets. Bread and pasta are my lifeline! So when I came across the Dr. Oz Three Day Detox Cleanse I thought ok, here’s an opportunity.
I know, juice cleanses are a total FAD. There’s actually ZERO scientific research that says these are at all necessary to detox your body since your liver and kidneys already do that. They are not an effective way to lose weight (you usually gain some or all back after eating normally again) and many don’t provide the nutrients you actually need daily. But when I saw everything packed into the three day cleanse including supplements needed, I thought I’d give it a go. Which I never, ever in a million years would have survived if I didn’t somehow convince the hubs to do it with me.
So why do it? Because I felt like we really needed to reset our eating habits in a drastic way. I’m not good at mildly cutting back. I have to just jump right in and then ease my way back to a new normal. And so, it began….
Dr. Oz Three Day Detox Cleanse
Breakfast shake was actually not bad. Hubby said it was gross but I’m chock-full of energy since I’m excited and peppy and on a caffeine-high since the first step of the day is Green Tea-yay!
This green monstrosity is pretty heinous. Though I expected that after reading many, many reviews online. How else do you expect blended celery, zucchini and kale to taste? I drink it with plenty of enthusiasm, after all it’s the first day! Laughing as Hubby gags a few times getting it down.
I’m scared of spice and a lot of people said the evening shake was too intense so I lightened up on the cayenne pepper and this shake is light years better than the afternoon one–yeah! Detox says to also do a snack shake which I skipped; I didn’t feel like I really needed it so no point in extra calories. Also, already tired of blending and cleaning, blending and cleaning. Hubby complains that he’s hungry, I’m a little hungry before bed too but whatevs. We watch the Part 1 and Part 2 videos from the Dr. Oz show for motivation.
I wake up ravenously hungry. And thinner. So I immediately pull out a dress that was a bit tough to zip before and…success! I feel good.
The tea calms my hunger and I make the smoothies. In a rush, I make the GIANT mistake of only having the tea and heading off to a meeting which took MUCH longer than anticipated. A meeting in a restaurant. With people eating REAL food.
It started out ok, just a few people having breakfast. Until the Lunch Rush that is. Dear God, save me now.
I’m hangry. I mean, hangry as fuck. Why oh why did I skip the breakfast shake? I’m mean to hubby (who had no problem w his breakfast shake today) and come home to mine frozen solid since I left it in the freezer. Awesome. I make the lunch shake which he drinks just fine and I cannot muster enough energy to choke down the disgustingness that is swallowing chopped up grass. Still, I don’t cheat. I get a lecture about sticking through things and yada yada. Oh well. I miss food.
At this point (after having a few sips only of the lunch shake) I’m just DYING for the evening shake. Like, actually looking forward to it. I’m not starving or anything, just really, really want to chew something. So I chew on a bit of mango while blending the thing. Hey, if it goes in the blender, there’s no reason I can’t eat it, right? Both hubby and I go to bed wanting to snack on something (I choose nothing, he chooses siracha nuts). And, we’re both thinner.
Day 3- Morning
All I want is a tall iced soy chai latte from Starbucks and one of those ungodly delicious bacon and gouda breakfast sandwiches they make. I would give you my dog for this. Maybe even my first born. Instead, I make the shakes. It’s good and I’m fine for now. And, I’m definitely less bloated.
As afternoon starts to creep, I get a little upset. I am NOT looking forward to that blended grass again.No thank you! I’m also a bit disappointed I had little energy on Day 2 to workout so I double up with some yoga and dancing (yay!).
People online talk about modified version of the drink and I figure, that’s better than quitting altogether. So I add a little more apple, a little more pineapple and take the celery out all together (really, who likes blended celery?!) and it’s tasty. Like, I’d make it again, yay! I figure, I’ll eat the celery as a snack so I’m still ingesting it.
Day 3-WE’VE MADE IT!
SUCCESS! It’s Friday night and I’m trying NOT to log onto Instagram and check out people’s gorgeous food and drink photos. Can’t wait for real food tomorrow. Hubby texts me at 9:30 that post-shakes, he had some steak. I go to sleep early in efforts to stay strong.
TMI Sidenote: This is totally not one of those “you’ll spend all day in the bathroom” kind of cleanses. So you don’t have to wait for a long weekend to try it.
I apparently can survive without carbs a few days, but this does not make me a pleasant person. Also, I’ll now be on the hunt for recipes that include coconut oil and almond butter since I have these things leftover in my fridge.
The Detox Ultra Bath is an awesome ritual; I already love baths so why not make it more of a priority? I’m so on board with this.
I can’t say that I would do this again. BUT, I do hope it gets us on a healthier eating track! Which is all I really wanted from the get-go…
Have any of you tried the Dr. Oz Three Day Detox Cleanse? What did you think?
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